In Reference

To love's letters.

Sadly enough, like many good things my relationship with Hooper Brown has come to an end. Yes, I loved him with every bone in my body; I sacrificed, and worked on our relationship to the point of tears. In the end it was useless.
I gave up, I really did.
I am sorry I didn’t keep my promise that I would do anything to keep us together. I tried really hard and anyone who knew me while I was dating Hooper would know that I really did love and care about him. I lost so many things in the time of our relationship, but it would be a lie to say it wasn’t worth it. Since Hooper and I have split up I have changed dramatically and I am glad that we were separated. If I was with him as of right now, he would not recognize me. Everyone changes, and I let it happen, I let myself become the person I am now. Who ever that is.
I still miss the way we were sometimes; he is one of a kind. It brings me to tears, tears that I have to hide; that we are not a we at all anymore.

I didn’t even treat him right after I ended things, that is something I regret. I figured if I just treated him the way he treated me in our relationship (and he didn’t treat me like that all of the time) that I would be able to not only receive closure, but scare myself away from running back to him.
Everyone has their weaknesses, and the way I felt for him will always be one of mine.

To never be forgotten.
Goodbye.

Amber Dawn

Intermission

To whom ever it may intrigue,

I will not pretend to know everything that is going to happen in the future, I do not even know half of the things that are happening now. This summer has been life changing, it has brought me to my knees and has had me crawling, begging for a simple fix.
I realize that this experience is a quality of this life, whether or not we signed up for the life we have now in the beginning, this is what we are given to live.
We all change; we have a constant choice, a constant battle within ourselves. It is these battles, these wars with life that makes us who we are. By we I mean you, me, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, strangers and neighbors, we are all connected in this.
Now choices we make are often influenced by those we surround ourselves with, but amazingly I am so easily influenced I could write a book on passing a stranger on the street. Surely it wouldn’t be a good read, but anything is possible.
I could go on about how people influence life, but in reality it is yourself that influences your own life. If that makes any sense at all, you realize that it is your choice deep down who you let into your life, who you trust, and who you let affect you.
Not only who, but what… events, objects, words, poetry, the news, actions, expressions, etc..
…everything in this world, and even out of it can inspire you, influence, and change you, but only if you let it.

Now I know this was a letter of rambling and that no one is likely to read it, but if you do just let me know, raise your hand and message me, comment me.

If anyone ever needs to talk, even to a stranger, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Amber Dawn

Love's Letter 2

Dear Hooper,

I love you. I know I have said it a lot, in multiple places, but I feel like you should hear it more and more. You are my one and only, and no matter what happens I am willing to fight to keep us together. I like when you call me pet names, and I love being in your arms. The smile you get when you close your eyes and I am near, makes my heart swell, I swear. We have come through a lot, and that letter below really doesn’t even make sense to me anymore. I was really just trying to make myself think that I could live without you, and I really can not. I know you don’t like it when we fight, but I really think it is okay, we get over it and work things out. I don’t bundle things up anymore, and I hope I still make you happy. Even though I am pretty sure I do. I love you so much Hooper, I want to marry you, and I meant it when you asked me and I said yes. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Love, Amber

Love's Letter

Dear Stephen Hooper Brown,

I write this while I should probably wait until my feelings are clear. I figure although I should write how things were before I killed off any feeling. I saw you last night, still thin from your recent sickness. Just seeing you sent my stomach into knots. I keep thinking how lovely it would be to come back to you, to be in your arms always. I know it is best for me to stay out of a relationship with you, and I can just about guess that you still don’t see why. I meant it when I said I didn’t want it to come to us ending. How I hoped it wouldn’t, I had tried very hard to take all the things that hurt, all the things that made me upset, and put them away so I could focus on making you happy. I know that I should have told you how unhappy I was, maybe bluntly, but the thought of you getting upset or hurt about it made me keep it inside. I can’t take back our end, I am glad though that you asked if we could still be friends. When I cried last night, it was because I know I still love you, but I knew I couldn’t take the fighting, the suspicion, even not being able to see you more than an hour a week. I don’t lie when I thought we were meant to be either, I thought it was the real deal. Who knows what God has planned for us? I hope we can still remain in each others lives, no matter what my or your friends say about it. I know I am not the only one this is hard for.


Love, Amber

P.S. – I don’t know if I will show this to you willingly, I would hate to hurt you more.

Sean McDorman

To my dear friend Sean,
I write you my first official letter. It was when I was thinking of a comment to give you that I got this idea to start letters to my friends. I won’t forget the day I met you, how Nikki introduced you to me and I leaned on the wall. I had just met her a few days before and already she had introduced me to a friend I will never forget. We were so young, so filled with interesting emotions. I do not think that I would have made it as far as I did my sophomore year at Keller. I hated it there, but seeing you everyday made it bearable. When I moved out of my dads you were the only reason I regretted it. I thought I would never see you again. I know you have better friends now, your own little group but I won’t ever forget the you I used to know so well. The you I hugged so tightly by the coke machines, the you that hugged me over and over again when you came to visit me at my party. I miss our talks, really badly. There is so much I would want to tell you but the words would not due my feelings justice. You may be confused in your life often, but never doubt the love I have for you in my heart. Somewhere in my right ventricle there is a place with your name on it.
I will always think of you, thank you so much for being in my life.
Thank you for not running away from me, or laughing in my face.
Thank you for still being there to talk to, even if it’s through myspace.

I will always be here for you,
Amber Dawn

First letter

Dear Readers,

To those who I have shown this blog, and even those who have randomly came across it, I would like you to know that this blog is going to be dedicated to my friends and family. For without them I would not have a reason to write. My ideas for this blog are to start writing letters to my friends, and enemies. That way I will always have a place to ramble and rant, and a place to thank the many people who get me through my day. I can not say that I will keep up with this blog, and I will make constant entries, I have a busy year ahead of me. I suppose all high school senior years are this way. For anyone who may read this, I thank you for taking your time out of your day and reading my words. I hope I entertained you and you continue reading future letters.

Sincerely,
Amber Dawn